How to set boundaries with a new employee as a manager

How to set boundaries with a new employee as a managerHow to set boundaries with a new employee as a managerWe all want to be liked, but leadership requires a lot more than that.We originally assigned this article to someone else. Kaitlin King, specifically, a long-time contributor who we can always count on for high-quality articles, clever banter, and thoughtful advice. So I definitely wasnt expecting to get a notlagee from her saying she was stuck - completely and utterly - when it came to writing the article. Ugh, I think I just kinda suck at this topic myself and actually need to read this article written by someone else to learn from it, she said. I dont think I have enough authority, understanding or perspective to write on it.I hope I havent offended Kaitlin by outing her like this, but I have a point and its this ur goal at Career Contessa is to address the tough subjects that no one else covers and, sometimes, that means we find we dont know what to say. At all.In thinkin g about establishing boundaries with an employee, my personal experience comes up lacking, too. I could definitely write an essay on what not to do. So with two writers officially stumped, I decided to take an alternative approach I emailed two of our mentors to ask them to answer the question for me. And I did a hefty amount of research. Heres the ultimate management game planThe problem with being a nice bossIn an article for Slate, Laura Smith describes her own failed experience at playing it cool as the owner of her first businessI allowed my coffee shop to become characterized by permissiveness. Some took advantage of this permissiveness by making up excuses for being late, or by trying to do as little work as possible. Those who didnt take advantage became resentful of the other employees, and of me. It brought out the worst in everyone.For most of us just departureing out in management (hey, Im right there with you), its easier to remember past terrible bosses - the ones tha t were cold or conniving, too strict or just plain absurd - than it is to remember the ones who werent all that bad. You fear getting dubbed a horrible boss, and youre desperate to not lose face in front of your colleagues - after all, youre a nice person. So you think What if I just play it cool?Well, theres a cool parent archetype for a reason (think Amy Poehler as Regina Georges mom in Mean Girls). Failure to assert boundaries inevitably equals a failure in leadership, resulting in a parent whos susceptible to disrespect and, worse, mockery.To imply that managing a team is like parenting is a bit problematic, but there are certainly parallels. For a relationship, personal or professional, to function properly there must be a common understanding and clear structure. In her piece, Smith goes on to argueMost people are only as good as their systems allow them to be The idea that we must tell adults what to do and exactly how to do it is a hard pill to swallow for most But inste ad of thinking of it as telling people what to do, what if we binnensee it as simply providing people with boundaries? Thats closer to something palatable, although the paternalism still makes me cringe.So playing too nice will ruin us, but playing hardball means were treading a fine line between leadership and despotism. How do you hit that sweet spot - not a jerk, not a doormat - that sets you up for managerial success?Boundaries first, boundaries secondFirst impressions really do mean a lot, particularly for bosses. You have to start strong.Within any relationship, its human nature to want to be liked and wanting to be liked is often the greatest barrier in establishing boundaries as a new manager, says CC mentor, Kara Brothers-Phillip, who works as a strategy lead at Google.As a manager, your primary responsibility is to create an environment where your team members are able to reach their full potential. Being liked is nice, but being viewed as an effective and trustworthy le ader is far more important.1. Set Personal Boundaries ASAPSo how do you build that trust? According to PsychCentral, by setting boundaries early - as soon as you start the job - and by consistently sticking to them yourself. Youll need to clearly communicate your own limits as well as your expectations For instance, if you dont want your colleagues and clients to contact you at all hours, verbally tell them the hours you will be available for work-related conversations.Leading by example is a very real thing. In fact, in a recent interview, the founder of the social media game-changer, Meet Edgar, Laura Roeder, argues that its actually essential. You can say, Dont email in the evening. But then if the owners of the company are always sending you emails in the evening, its implied that maybe youre supposed to respond. Based on this logic, MeetEdgar has a strict no evenings, no weekends email policy - and Roeder abides by it.2. Create a Real Structure (With Schedules, Agendas, Feed back Loops )Boundaries get blurry when you arent meeting with your team regularly. This is one element I can speak to. As Career Contessa has grown over the past year, weve added several new people to our team. Suddenly, off-the-cuff meetings or lunch chats about upcoming projects just werent working anymore. In fact, the result was chaos and maybe (OK, actually) some tears.Without touching kusine in structured, recurring meetings, we were all starting to feel like we were spinning. Now we have all-team meetings that happen weekly complete with detailed agendas, plus regular check-ins with Lauren, CCs founder. Oh and weve added one more incredible structural detail Basecamp.No matter how creative you are or how creative your team is, youve got to commit to a clear organizational plan. And since youre the boss, that plan falls on you. Youll design, lead, and maintain it. As Jill Jacinto, Associate Director of WORKS puts it, youll need to create an atmosphere of transparency and make sure to articulately delegate tasks and responsibilities.If you expect your team to make deadlines and follow your rules, you have to make sure the team understands what those deadlines and rules are.Give them the benefit of the doubt1. Believe In Your Team First, Doubt Them SecondWe all know the pitfalls of playing it too strict. Maybe you had a military regimented household growing up or maybe you just remember a horrible elementary school teacher who didnt allow you room to breathe, let alone get creative. Management requires placing a little faith in your leadership team.Says Jacinto Employees want to feel needed and respected. Do not be condescending, share your viewpoints with them, your strategy and ask for them to contribute.When Roeder launched MeetEdgar, shed never been a boss before. I had never hired anyone. I had never been anyones superior in any way. But a lot of that, honestly, was a blessing in disguise because I never had to unlearn bad corporate behaviors, says R oeder, A lot of the ways that Ive managed people is just respect people, assume that people are doing their best.We take jobs knowing full well that theyre going to be an integral part of our lives. So why assume that your employees arent doing the best they can? Give every person you supervise enough space and freedom to get their work done, plus take some risks along the way.If they mess up, you can address it then, but dont assume they will simply because you dont know how they work yet or you think they lack experience. Let them try, remain open and available to them so they feel comfortable soliciting your feedback, then wait.And in the event that they do mess up (just like you), make sure theres a road for them to regain trust. One mistake doesnt warrant ostracisation.2. Instead of Forcing Unity, Plan For DifferencesDont assume that you need to regulate someone simply because they work differently than you. Instead plan, adapt, and compensate for those differences. You can reg ulate how work gets done to an extent, but you should also accept feedback and hold regular meetings with each of your employees to see how theyre feeling and what they need to get the work done. Maybe they do better with strict deadlines, maybe they thrive when theyre planning their own hours. By adapting your environment to suit multiple work styles, youll set yourself up for a more productive work day all around.3. Recognize That Your Work Isnt Earth-ShatteringHere at Career Contessa, when were stressing about getting the editorial calendar in order before one of us goes on vacation or about what will happen when the marketing manager gets sick, we can count on Lauren to say, This isnt brain surgery.And shes right. If an article fails to publish one Tuesday morning, or if theres a glaring typo in our weekly newsletter, were not harming anyone. Were probably annoying people, and were certainly going to be embarrassed, but were not neurosurgeons responsible for saving lives.That lo gic can and should be applied to anything you do. Its not that you need to tell your employees that they dont need to worry about the work theyre doing, but keeping it all in perspective is key.Expect your employees to do their jobs and do them well. Hold them responsible for their mistakes (the key word here is their - team mistakes are team mistakes, and youre part of them). But if a f*ck up happens? Treat it with the weight it deserves.No exaggerated panic attacks, no yelling, no shaming, no team meeting roasts. Your team will respect you that much more for keeping sight of what really matters- like getting the work done and done well so that everyone can go home to their families and friends and actually get a good nights rest.We take jobs knowing full well that theyre going to be an integral part of our lives. So why assume that your employees arent doing the best they can?What if theres a real issue?This is the least fun part of the article, but Im sure, like me, you were won dering what if an employee does something bad? Like, really bad. How do I respond?There will always be employees who miss a meeting, blow a sales demo, clash with higher-ups and it is your job to fix this issue ASAP, says Jacinto A good leader always keeps their temper under wraps. Have a private meeting with the team member and give them the opportunity to explain their actions. Next, let them know that mistakes happen and how they approached the solution (or whatever it may be) was unacceptable and needs to be course corrected. Give them guidance on how to move forward, create an open door policy. Explain to them why and how their actions affect the companys bottom line. Depending on the severity of their behavior, be firm in your response. Let them know the type of behavior you expect to see and work with day in and day out and what will not be tolerated.Brothers-Phillips agrees that you should have the conversation in private, but argues that you should bring up their behavior i n relation to the big picture In your conversation, reinforce that your primary responsibility is to your company and part of that responsibility means creating an atmosphere of fairness within the team. You value them as a team member, however, his or her behavior could be jeopardizing how others view your dedicated loyalty to everyone and you need them to stop doing x,y,z behavior in the best interest of the team.All in all, theres a pretty clear theme here transparency, honesty, and open dialogue. Make sure that your employees know that they can come to you to discuss any issues or questions they have. And always focus on communicating your own expectations as clearly as possible. Employees can only respect boundaries they know exist.This article first appeared on Career Contessa.